Sick Humor, But It's Really Funny

WARNING: Mature audiences only. You'll see why.


The Procedure from calvin reeder on Vimeo.

I Missed That In History Class

I guess there was a time when people were born with hearing aids.

Don't Spread This Image Around The Internet

Apparently our president-elect doesn't care for it. So please respect his wishes.

DOH!

Kathy has decided she wants a touring bike so we can do some longer rides together, which is exciting for me. Bike fit is very important and I really like my Elephant NFE. Having similar bikes and components would make maintenance easier for me. Glen doesn't make an extra small frame NFE so I was wondering how a small frame would work out for her.

So I emailed Glen and asked if anyone in the local area had a small frame NFE. This was his response.

"There is a guy here in town that has a small NFE. He goes by the name of Hank Greer. You may know of him, he’s quite the cyclist."

I'm still laughing about this. I am such a fucking moron.

All Of The Cathy McMorris Rodgers Are Protecting Our Rigths

Multiple Cathys representing the 5th District fighting to protect our rigths are not afraid to show they have difficulties with basic English. 

We Are Creatures Of Habit

On Tuesday afternoon I left work to drive to Yakima. I changed out of my work clothes and put on shorts and a t-shirt so I'd be more comfortable during the three-hour drive.  After checking into my room I laid out the clothes I was going to wear to work on Wednesday.

I did not have any pants.

Since I bike commute I take my clothes to work and leave them there for the week. I drove to work on Tuesday and I wore normal office clothes to work. When I changed into shorts, instead of packing that pair of pants or one of the others I have at work, I hung them up with the others because that's what I do when I leave work.

So it was Shorts and T-shirt Wednesday for me.

His Momma Is So Proud

It's so nice to see that Smokey's little brother finally found work.

30 Days Of Biking - Day 9

Friday evening I fell prey to an ingenious booby trap. A frying pan was placed atop a precarious stack of pots and pans. When I opened the cupboard door the pan slipped off the stack, turning sidewise in the process, and the edge landed right on my pinky toe. Wearing shoes creates too much pressure on the toe. So today's ride was an easy tool around the neighborhood with sandals and platform pedals.

Payback for the "lock her up in the garage" joke? I think so.

So today's ride was a short scoot around the neighborhood wearing sandals and using platform pedals.

30 Days of Biking - Day 8

Someone following me on Strava congratulated me for achieving a PR on a particular hill. I don't pay attention to that stuff because I use Strava to map my routes. But I looked. I saw I was in 15th place.

Wait. What? My neighbor is ahead of me. By four seconds! This cannot stand. And as of this morning it no longer does.

I hope she doesn't get angry.

If I Do It, I Get In Trouble

I do it!

Kathy won't be home for two days. So much life to live in so little time.

Mum's The Word

I was visiting my mom and while we were chatting she got this conspiratorial look on her face and says, "If I show you something, you promise not to tell anybody?"

"Sure," I say.

"I got some lotion that's supposed to be good for my arthritis."

And she shows me this.

From their web site: Ultimate gift for your hands and feet. Great for all over! Premium Cannabis Flower and tea tree kill bacteria and fungus that create infections, foot odor and athlete’s foot. Premium Cannabis Flower and arnica montana treat the pain, swelling and bruising of muscles and joints, headaches, migraines and symptoms of PMS. Together they relieve symptoms from arthritis, tendonitis, fibromyalgia, multiple sclerosis, lupus, and diabetes. Organic Hempseed Oil nourishes, protects and helps soften dry, callous skin. Great for rashes, burns and skin tumors. Helps with symptoms of eczema, psoriasis and other skin ailments. Massage area and feel the satisfying tingle while you are bathed in the healing powers of topical cannabis.

Which, as far as I'm concerned, is awesome. If it works for her, great. Even if it's just a placebo effect.

Then mom start told me about how she told other people and instructed them that "mum's the word" to which I replied, "Mom, if you're telling everybody then mum is not the word."

The cannabis ingredient is hempseed oil, which does not get you high. And the label states the lotion does not contain any psychoactive ingredients.

But I noticed a new shelf in mom's kitchen.

I can imagine mom getting pulled over for a traffic stop and I see her throwing a jar and maybe a tube of lotion out of the window in hopes she doesn't get busted.

"It's not mine. It's my friend's. I have never used that stuff for my arthritis, officer."

It's Cold Out

I went to the grocery store this morning to pick up a few items. The small talk with the cashier included comments about the weather what with the temperature being 9 degrees Fahrenheit. While she was talking about the cold she catches a glimpse of my legs and finishes with, "Okay, Mister Shorts." Then she tells me about her crazy uncle who always wears shorts. Maybe I'll be somebody's crazy uncle someday.

Winner: Most unusual icicle hanging on my house.

Strava Year In Review

A number of cyclists I know use Strava and they posted their year in review on Facebook.  I took one and had a little fun with it.


Year 2015 in review from hank greer on Vimeo.

The Things You See On A Bike Ride

First rule of Junk Church - Nobody talks about their junk.

Everybody stands. There is no kneeling at Junk Church.

Sometimes I Just Can't Help Myself

I have a dog. His name is Hoof Hearted*. He's an okay dog. He'll drool on you but he's well behaved most of the time. But everybody loves him and there's really no earthly explanation for how popular he is. I mean, every time people come to the house they want to know Hoof Hearted.

* Name borrowed from the race horse.

Braggadocio

I bet he tells everybody at church, too.

Compelling Advertising

So much better than mediocre coffee.

I'm Gonna Die...Someday

While reading the Bangor Daily News I saw a headline about a calculator that will tell you how much longer you have to live--based on federal statistics. Well, what the heck. Might as well find out, right?

The initial estimate was not that great. Fortunately, I'm not Dick Cheney nor am I a fan of his One Percent Doctrine.

But farther down the article there was a more specific calculator that factored in how much you drive and exercise.

I always aim for being above average so look for me to be the centenarian at the home who places phone orders in to the marijuana store. "First floor. Third window from the north end, okay? What? Yeah, I know. Cash only. And hurry up. I got some ladies waiting."

So Close

Along with misspelled words and unnecessary hyphens.

I Found Salvation On The Sidewalk

Hmmm, they left off the weight and length.