In the world of stupid advertising we now have a blanket that claims to make your marriage better--by absorbing your farts. It uses "...the same type of fabric used by the military to protect against chemical weapons." Yes, that is exactly what they say.
But what I'd like to see are the testimonials. Put on a husband and wife lying under the covers together. Have one of them rip a good one--why does it always have to be the guy?--and make sure the blanket flutters.
Have one of the kids yell from the living room, "Nice one, Dad. We could hear that out here." Then to his siblings, "Remember, twenty minute rule. The big hand is on the 3 and the little hand is on the nine, Sally. So when is it safe to go in their room?" Hey, the kids are learning how to tell time.
Go back to the bedroom where the smiling couple talk about how well the blanket works. Mom can mention the money she'll save on air fresheners and point to all the cans on her nightstand. Dad can get rid of all the matches in his nightstand and not worry about the kids playing with them any more. Pan the camera across the scorch marks. Dude, on the ceiling? You're sick!
Well, no worries now. With the Better Marriage Blanket dad can eat all the deviled eggs he wants right before he goes to bed.
Or he could get a pair of underwear that does the same thing for the same price. Great for farter who's always on the go.